Misery
by CoolNerdXD
Summary: She's with Eli and I'm with Katie so everything should be good right? Yeah, I wish. Too bad there's not a single second that goes by where I'm not completely in love with the girl I'll never be able to have again. And let me tell you, it feels absolutely miserable.


**Am I the only one who finds the idea of Jatie to be grotesque? I was disgusted when I saw them kissing in the promo, but it seems like everyone ships them o_o.**

**THIS IS TO ALL OF THE FEW CAKE SHIPPERS =)**

**Warning- There's usage of bad language.**

**Anyway. Enough of my rambling.**

**Jake's POV**

Clare and I were alone watching TV while Dad and her mom where out on a date. It was nice to finally start hanging out with her just like we used to, minus the making out obviously. It was tense being around her after the breakup. What was once a fun-loving relationship became an awkward, distant one. For weeks we barely spoke, especially when I had Jenna come over on my birthday. It killed me hearing her cry sometimes at night, knowing I was the reason for it. I remember not being able to look into her beautiful baby blue eyes for days at a time. And when I did, all I saw was bitterness and sorrow. There wasn't a single second in a day where I didn't want to beg for her forgiveness, telling her that I wanted her more than anything that day in her room, but I was just too much of a pansy because of what Bianca told me. She wanted forever, which was something I knew I could never give her. And because of that, my first real relationship in years had to end. Everyday I would tell myself that it was for the best, because we were bound to break up eventually. Our parents would never accept our love for each other, even though we were together before they were. None of that helped me feel any less crappy though.

Luckily, things got better when I saved her from the Summer and Cash situation. We started talking again and goofing off, just like step-siblings should. She also got back together with Eli, for reasons I will never understand. She can do so much better than a bipolar guy who wears eyeliner and writes plays. It angers me how she eagerly took him back even though he dragged her into the Fitz bullshit. And it's not just him that I don't understand why she chose. Her first boyfriend dumped her for Jenna, one of her best friends, and got her pregnant. And then there's me. A cocky guy who doesn't give two shits about anything who also happens to be the son of the man her mother fell in love with. She sure knows how to pick 'em.

And as for me, I found Katie. She's high strung, dammed cute, and annoyingly smart. All of which are qualities shared by Clare. Things with her were so much easier than with Clare though. She wasn't as sensitive and we didn't have to sneak around. Everything was finally good again. But sometimes I couldn't ignore my undeniable attraction towards Clare in the back of my mind, like right now.

She rested her head on my shoulder just like she'd always do when we were going out. I stiffened at first but then relaxed when I thought that this is what any family member would do. Later on she rested her hand on my thigh and I couldn't concentrate on the show anymore. I don't even know why that effected me so much, I mean my mom would do that all the time when she was alive! After a while she sensed my discomfort. "Are you okay?" she asked me while looking up at me. It never ceased to amaze me at how gorgeous she was. Even in the dim lighting, I could see how bright her eyes shown. Her porcelain skin was practically glowing in the light coming from the TV. I noticed her copper hair was getting longer too. The ringlets reached her shoulders now.

"Yeah never better," I lied while wrapping an arm around her and flashing her one of my signature smiles, hoping that maybe that would keep her from thinking I was uncomfortable.

"If you say so," she said while returning her eyes to the screen, clearly unconvinced.

After a few minutes, I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to kiss her so fucking badly, that my insides literally hurt. During all this time I also felt terrible for thinking about such things when I'm Katie's boyfriend. Even though I didn't do anything, I felt as if I betrayed her. I desperately needed to get closer to her. Resting my chin on her head shouldn't do any harm right? Wrong. I was close enough as to where I could smell her strawberry shampoo that I love. If I looked down I could get a clear view of her cleavage and I could also feel her body rise and fall against mine as she breathed. I felt my face heat up. Thank goodness that it was dark so she wouldn't notice my blush."Keep it together, Jake. Don't let the hormones get the better of you!" I shouted to myself. Then she had to go put her other hand on my chest too. Dammit. I was starting to get irritated. I know it's selfish, but I was angry at how she seemed completely unaffected by being so incredibly close to me. Did she not have even a tiny bit of attraction towards me anymore? When we were going out, she'd turn bright pink when I just held her hand. How come I was going absolutely crazy when she seemed to be 100% fine?

I seriously needed a distraction from her, and the vampire show that she was watching was not good enough. I reached over her to get the remote to change the channel to wrestling. "Now this is more like it," I said, already intrigued by the violence and blood.

"Hey! Change the channel back," she pouted. She was so adorable when she was annoyed. Ugh, I have got to stop thinking about her like that.

"Nope, sorry," I said with a smirk right before her little hands snatched the remote from mine and changed the channel back. "Come on, that Twilight crap bores the hell out of me."

"It's True Blood, and no," she said with a hint of warning in her voice. As if I were afraid of what she could physically do to me. I easily retrieved the remote, but afterwards she pounced at me and basically sat on my face while changing the channel. Not that I was complaining that her ass was right in my face, but it was actually smothering me so I had to get myself out from under there. In the process of doing so, I accidentally rolled off the couch, sending her down with me. I crawled over to the remote while laughing my ass off, but she tackled me yet again. It was kind of funny watching her trying to keep me pinned down with her tiny body. I quickly switched places with her and hoovered over her to make sure I wouldn't crush her with my weight. She was laughing hysterically too, as she struggled to escape from my trap.

"Jake, let me go now!"

"Nope, sorry," I said with a grin.

"Please?" she said with a ridiculously cute smolder. Valiant effort, but I wasn't going to fall for it.

"No can do Clare-Bear. I'm having way too much fun right now."

It was hilarious watching her squirm around like a fish out of water. Then I felt a sharp pain shoot up my groin coursing all the way through my abdomen.

"Oh my gosh! I'm sooo sorry! I didn't mean to hit you there! Are you okay?" she gasped while I laid in the fetal position, clutching my groin.

"I'm swell, thanks for asking," I managed to cough out while she pushed the hair out of my eyes. She was just inches from my face now.

"What can I do?" she looked so guilty for accidentally hitting me "down there." I actually felt bad for making her feel bad for me.

"You can kiss it to make it better," I said with a wink. That got me a well deserved slap on the arm and an eye roll. I forgot I'm no supposed to talk to her like that anymore.

"How about I let you watch whatever you want, whenever you want from now on?"

"That's an appealing offer, but there's something else that I want."

"What is it then?" she said with an arched eyebrow. You. I want you, more than anything on this whole freaking planet. I wanted you the day we first met when we were 7. I wanted you when me met again at dinner at your house, years later. I wanted you when I rejected you that day in your room. I wanted you when I invited Jenna over.. I just did that to make you jealous anyway. Sometimes I even want you when I'm hooking up with Katie! The truth is, no matter how much I like Katie and no matter how much I want to move on from you because of our parents, I will always want you more than anything!

Now if only I had the balls to say that. I decided that saying "popcorn" would be smarter than professing my feelings of love that I had towards her that I have been bottling up for months. A couple minutes later she came back with a large bowl filled with popcorn and we watched tv in silence.

It was starting to get really hot in the house and I was too lazy to fix the air conditioner earlier. I lifted my shirt above my head and threw it on the ground.

"What are you doing?" she said while giving me a questioning look.

"It's hot in here."

"Then fix the A.C. You're good with that kind of stuff anyway."

"I don't feel like it." She didn't press further. She must've still felt bad for kneeing me in the nuts.

A few minutes passed and Clare suddenly blurted out, "Did it ever occur to you that maybe it's hard for me having to look at _that?"_ pointing at my abdomen.

"Umm.. no.." I could feel her tense up.

"Because it's not easy trying to get over someone who looks as attractive as you do and who lives in the same house as me and decides its appropriate to go without a shirt on just because it's a tad bit warm in the house." she said while rising to her feet.

"You're one to talk! You don't think it's hard to keep my thoughts clean with you walking around in freaking booty short pajamas all weekend long? And you wouldn't have to move on if you didn't decide to rip my heart out!" I tried my best to keep my cool, but I couldn't believe what she was saying.

"Me? Rip YOUR heart out? How could you have the audacity to even say that? I broke up with you because YOU rejected ME! If you didn't do that then maybe we'd still be together!"

"Well damn Clare, it's a little too late to tell me that now considering we're both in a relationship with other people!" Part of me was happy that I wasn't the only one who felt that way but most of me was angry at her for telling me this when SHE was the one who broke up with ME. "And we would never make it as a couple anyway! Even if our parents weren't married, I'd clearly always find a way to piss you off. Listen to yourself! You're mad at me for being "attractive!" That came out a little more sharp than I intended.

For a second I could see pain in her eyes which made me feel like the biggest jerk of the century. Then she scoffed, "You and I both know that's not why I'm mad."

"Then why are you?"

"Because I hate that I still love you!" Suddenly I saw her lunge at me.

Was she planning on murdering me or something? Then her lips practically attacked mine while she wrapped her legs around my hips. I guess not.

"Holy shit is this actually happening?" I thought to myself. My eyes were still wide open as I tried to comprehend what was going on. When I finally came to my senses, I close my eyes and let the heat of the moment take over. I backed into a wall as her lips left mine and made a trail down my neck to my collarbone. Even though my balls still hurt like hell and the guilt for what I was doing to Katie lingered in the back of my mind, I was in pure ecstasy. I decided to be in control of her now. I turned around so that she was against the wall. One of my hands was in her hair while the other was on her lower back under her shirt. She had an arm wrapped around my neck and her other hand was roaming around my bare chest. I returned my lips to hers and our tongues collided. I felt my knees grow weak so I slowly slid the both of us down to the ground so that she was sitting against the wall. Then I pinned her down on the ground and I could feel her arch her body towards mine. The sensations coursing through me were driving me absolutely insane in the best way possible. I could barely make out "I want you" coming from her mouth, but I still heard it. My heart was beating out of my chest. I could feel her hands find their way to the button on my jeans. "Holy shit this actually is happening." I told myself. She undid my zipper. I smiled against our kiss.

"You sure about this?" I somehow managed to say. I opened my eyes and saw her nod in approval. God she was gorgeous. _Forgive me, Lord._ I thought to myself. For so many years I've been taught to wait until marriage and I was about to lose it right now, for her. Gosh I'd do anything for her.

My pants were halfway off when I heard a shrilling doorbell ring. We both shot up.

"Shit! I thought our parents wouldn't be home until 12!" I whispered.

"Clare! It's Eli." What the hell was he doing here at 10:00 at night? I could hear the knob turn and the door creak open. How could I have forgotten to lock it earlier?

I struggled to button my pants and put my shirt back on as fast as humanly possible. Eli turned on the lights and walked in.

"Hey Clare. Was I interrupting something?" He said suspiciously.

Remorse was etched over her entire face. "Nope! Jake and I were just um.. fighting over the remote and it got a little ugly haha. You know, just wrestling with my bro" she said nervously while giving me a light punch in the arm. Even though it was halfway true, anyone could easily tell she was lying through her teeth.

"Oh so that would explain your flushed faces and sweaty, messy hair," he said, obviously not fully convinced.

"May I ask why you're here?" I said trying to conceal my anger. I was so close to having Clare to myself and he had to waltz right in and ruin my only chance.

"I just wanted to see if Clare wanted to hang out with me." Get the fuck out of our house before I stab you in the throat, I felt like saying.

"At 10:00 on a school night? Our parents will be home in two hours. I don't think so."

"Come on, Jake. Since when do you care about school? And we'll be back home before our parents get back, I promise. I'm going to run upstairs and go grab my bag. I'll be right back Eli." she said while giving him a peck. I felt a sting in my chest, as if I got whipped with a belt while being sun burned. One minute ago she was ready to go all the way with me and now she's going to go out with _him._

"So where are you guys going?" I asked while she was upstairs.

"Oh you know, probably just going to make out like we always do," he said with a laugh. I clenched my fists at my sides.

A few awkward seconds passed by. He broke the silence by saying "Look, Clare is the worst liar ever, and I know what she said what you guys were doing wasn't true. I see your shirt is on inside out." Whoops.

"I'd have to be a fool to think that you guys weren't getting intimate," he continued. Wow this guy cuts right to the chase.

He glared at me so intensely that it felt as if his green eyes were piercing into my soul. I had to come up with something to say fast."I agree with you about her being a terrible liar, but she was telling the truth. And no offence, but I think we both know you can get a bit paranoid sometimes. I mean you thought Imogen was with me when you guys were going out. What Clare and I had was in the past. I'm with Katie now too. She wouldn't do that to you, and I wouldn't do that to Katie." Unlike Clare, I was an excellent liar. It killed me to say those words, but I had to say what I had to say for him to subside his suspicions.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Sorry, man. I guess I can get a little paranoid sometimes. And Clare wouldn't do that to me," That's what I always thought, too. I honestly thought she was truely in love with this guy, but I'm not so sure after tonight...

"But why is you're shirt inside out?" he added.

"Why are you dressed like death?"

"Because I like it..."

"Well maybe I like wearing my shirt inside out."

"Touche.." Wow. I can't believe he actually bought that. Clare ran down the stairs, looking stunning as always.

"See you later Jake," they said while exiting the living room.

Right before Eli opened the door, he planted a long one on Clare, making sure that I was watching because he narrowed his eyes at me when they were done. Clare mouthed "I'm sorry" before she walked out the door.

I jumped into the shower and tried to decipher what the heck just happened. Were we going to act as if nothing happened? Was she going to break up with Eli? Would I dump Katie? What would be the point any way? Any relationship we start is destined to fail unless our parents get divorced.

At times like this, I really hated them. It would be so much less complicated if they never got married. I hated Dad for finding a replacement for Mom. I hated Helen too making my dad fall in love with her. I hated Eli for being the true love of Clare's life. I especially hated Clare for being so darn irrestistable. If only I didn't love her. That would solve all my problems.

Too bad it's impossible for me to stop loving her.

It would help if Mom were still alive too. She always knew what to say and how to help. In a way I'm kind of glad that she went to Heaven already. She didn't have to see me grow into the disgusting person I am today.

After my shower I hopped into bed. Right before I turned off the lamp, my cell phone buzzed. I got a text from Katie.

_Sweet dreams :) I'm so lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend like you. I Love you so much._

I sighed. I deffinately didn't deserve her.

_Goodnight babe. Love you 2_

Yup. I'm a terrible person.

I heard the garage door open. I looked at the clock. _12:13_, and still not asleep. The past events of the night kept me wide awake as well as the fact that Clare still wasn't home. A few seconds later I heard the door to my room open.

"Oh I'm sorry, didn't mean to wake you."

"It's alright Helen. I wasn't asleep anyway." I never called her mom, because she wasn't mine. And I wouldn't call her Mrs. Martin because my mom was Mrs. Martin, not her.

"Alright then. I'll go check on Clare now."

"Wait," she turned around. "She's got a big test tomorrow. And you know her, always needing to get an A on everything. And she's such a light sleeper. She needs her rest for her to do well." I was so tempted to tell her she was out with Eli so she'd never be allowed to see him, but Clare probably would never talk to me again.

"Oh, okay then. Goodnight Jake."

"Night."

_"Because I hate that I'm still in love with you."_

That was the last thing I remember thinking about before sleep finally rescued me from my misery.

**By the way, half way through this, my laptop ran out of battery and I had ro rewrite it! RAGEE! The first version seemed much better so I'm really bummed out. I hope you like it anyway**

**I think I'll make this a two shot. I hope you guys liked it. Help me decide if I should make this a short and sweet two shot or make the story go on :)**


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